Within a week or two, though, something just didn't seem right. Katie was extremely fussy (partly her temperament) and I experienced intense pain. My original goal of making it to 6 months seemed nearly impossible. After several consultations and a couple of doctor visits, we were both diagnosed with thrush. Even then, it took several more weeks of pain and various remedies to eliminate the infection in both of us. Interestingly, the best solutions were the most "natural" ones: gentian violet, homeopathic drops, and diligent cleaning with vinegar.
Another element to our breastfeeding relationship early on was pumping. I went back to work when Katie was 8 weeks old (America, get with the program on reasonable maternity leaves!). I pumped at work twice a day and was blessed to be able to take my lunch break every single day to go nurse her at the babysitters. Thankfully Katie took to bottles very well. It was difficult at times to not be able to enjoy lunch dates with friends or to be able to run errands. But I treasured breaking up my day to go cuddle with my boo. Also, I was never able to "build a stash" of frozen expressed milk during my maternity leave because all of the milk could have been infected with thrush. However, with a little bit of planning and a flexible work schedule, Katie was never short for milk.
Somewhere along the line, days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and suddenly Katie was a year old. In the US, the AAP recommends breastfeeding infants until at least a year (the World Health Organization says at least two years). We had arrived at that wonderful one year mark, and if anything, Katie showed MORE interest in nursing than less. We had entered into the realm of "extended breastfeeding."
I poured over books and articles to educate myself on the benefits of extended breastfeeding (see some links below). I also felt the need to arm myself with facts if I ever needed to defend what we were doing. Admittedly, I was self-conscious about breastfeeding a toddler. Looking back she was still so much a baby, but it didn't feel that way at the time.
I eventually resigned to not worry about what others thought and follow my daughter's lead in the weaning process. Breastfeeding was for her afterall, so why should it matter what other opinions were? Breastfeeding is a relationship, though; a two-way street. Any time I was starting to feel "tied down" or antsy for forward progress, we made changes. Katie wasn't always ready for these changes, so I occasionally had to back off until she obliged.
As of 6 months ago, Katie still nursed about once during the day and once at night. The nighttime part was especially frustrating and exhausting for me. Over fall break, with Daddy's support of stepping in if needed, we nightweaned. Katie and I talked about what that would look like for about a week before we even attempted it. She didn't put up much of a fuss, which was our indication that she was ready.
In December, we found out we are expecting our second child. I knew that the days of nursing Katie were likely coming to an end. Breastmilk changes over the course of pregnancy. Some nurslings wean quickly, others don't seem to notice or care. Katie noticed, but didn't care. Mommy did though. I was becoming more uncomfortable and anxious to move on from this chapter of our relationship. With a little bit of nudging and A LOT of negotiation, we started spreading out sessions to every other day, every few days, once a week...
The last time I noted that we nursed was February 7, 2013. Katie was 2 years, 10 months, and 1 week when she was officially "weaned." It feels very bittersweet to say that I don't remember anything about those last few moments of such an important aspect of our relationship as mother and daughter. On the other hand, life with Katie has continued to flow in the same way it always has. Her cuddles are just as sweet and we are just as connected.
We would not have made it as long as we did without the support of family and friends. You know who you are. Thank you for not treating us like freaks (at least to our faces). Thank you for believing that although we weren't considered "normal" for this area of the world, we were doing what was "normal" for us. And last, thank you Katie-boo for continuing to teach me every day what it is to be your mommy.
~Carla
Helpful links for those considering breastfeeding/extended breastfeeding:
Thanks for this, Carla! As a mother who is getting close to weaning her toddler (and feelings kind of sad and anxious about it), it's so good to hear from someone who's been there. A lovely story.
ReplyDelete